Lost and Insecure
by The Queen of Alchemy
Summary: Perhaps it was selfish; to try be someone else. But how could she resist, when she despised herself so? The way she saw it, her life meant nothing as 'Meer', and everything as 'Lacus'. This is the story of Meer. Oneshot. One-sided & implied AsuMeer.


**~LOST AND INSECURE~**

**MEER**

When you're little, your parents tell you how beautiful you are. Mine were no different. And I'd believed them.

Then I had turned thirteen, and when I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. An average-looking girl with dark grey hair and eyes the colour of mud. Not even a pretty brown, or hazel, but plain, solid-colour brown. I wasn't pretty, I wasn't cute, I was still flat-chested, and what hit my self esteem the hardest, no one looked at me twice. You could see me five times consecutively and still not remember my face.

Then, I was fourteen, and my family moved to Martius Seven, and I left behind everything. Previously, my family and I had lived on Earth, and I was so plain that no one even knew I was a coordinator. Perhaps I should have been thankful for that; I had escaped a lot of racist shunning. At least I had a few friends, girls like me who were never noticed.

I stared out of the window of the moving car as my father drove us to the house we were to live in. A park came into view, and I listened half-heartedly as my mother suggested we take a break and enjoy the lunch she had packed.

I stepped out of the car, and followed my parents, who sat down at a picnic table. Bored, I scanned the surroundings. Trees. Trees. Bench. Dog. Jogger. Birdbath. More trees. And...a billboard-like screen. Almost as soon as I noticed it, it flared to life, and a beautiful girl appeared. She sang like an angel as she played with a spherical robot, and at that moment, I knew I wanted to _be_ that.

I dragged my parents into the nearest mall, found the nearest Look & Listen, and discovered that the pretty girl with the angel voice had over half the store dedicated to her. I bought all three Lacus Clyne albums available, and for the next three years of my life, I lived, ate, and breathed her music. I sang her songs everywhere. The few friends I made told me I sounded exactly like her. The goal of reaching her level became my mission. It defined me. It defined Meer Campbell. I wanted to be that girl.

As a sixteen year old girl, I entered the school talent show. I sang Into the Quiet Night, and although I didn't win, I was determined to succeed. I entered another competition, and that time, I was successful.

Barely a week after that, I was contacted by Chairman Durandel. When I heard what he wanted of me, I could hardly believe it. Replace Lady Lacus, my idol? Steal her identity? But...if she was here, wouldn't she want was best for the people of the PLANTs? If becoming Lacus Clyne would help, shouldn't I do it?

I had wanted something so badly, and I was given the chance to have it. It made sense. I said yes. The next few months were full of reconstructive facial surgery. It hurt so much, but the day they took all the bandages off, I had accomplished my dream.

What did it matter that my entire family believed I was dead? What did it matter that legally, Meer Campbell didn't exist? I hated Meer Campbell. I was Lacus. I was perfect, I was beautiful. For the first time in my life, I_ wanted_ to see my face.

After a few weeks of speaking Chairman Durandel's words, I wondered if Lacus would agree. Angrily, I pushed the thought away. I convinced myself that had Lady Lacus been there, she would have helped Chairman Durandel, too. But she wasn't. So it was up to me. I would do it.

And just when I thought that becoming my idol couldn't get any better, Athrun came back! I was determined that he love me. Not Lacus, _me_. So I told him who I really was.

It was all going so perfectly. The grey haired girl with brown eyes was no more. I truly believed I was Lacus. I had her voice, her hair, her face, her name. I was Lacus.

Then, reality struck. A fake Lacus broadcasted over mine, and she told everyone that _I _was the imposter. For a moment, I doubted my beliefs. Was she the real Lacus? No! No, _I_ was. Wasn't I?

Sarah, my bodyguard, said I was Lacus. So it must be true. That girl wasn't Lacus. She was obviously upset. Yes, that was it. She was upset.

Sarah constructed a ruse to lure the fake Lacus to an amphitheatre, so she could be eliminated. I shuddered at the word. Eliminated. Steely, linear, and final, like a bullet.

To my surprise, there was Athrun! He wasn't alone. The fake Lacus, another boy, and a red haired girl accompanied him. They took out most of the snipers.

They said I wasn't Lacus. I tried to protest, but then my lies came crashing down around me. I was Meer. Meer, not Lacus. That girl was Lacus. Not me. My eyes stung. They offered to take me with them, and all I wanted to do was say yes. But then, I saw it.

Sarah. She had her gun pointed at Lacus, and I knew. I had one chance at redemption. The real Lacus needed to live. I jumped. I took a bullet for Lacus.

The impact spun me around. The pain was instant, deadening and yet blinding at the same time. I knew I was going to die.

"Miss Meer!" cried the beautiful voice.

I lie here dying, in Lacus Clyne's arms. Lost and insecure, tied down only by gravity. Nothing else matters now. I reach into my messenger bag, and pull out the only photo of my old face that I had kept. I handed it to Lady Lacus.

"Is this girl you? She has a beautiful smile." I nod.

The pain is getting worse, and I lose my grip on life. I let go.


End file.
